a little more serious
I'm not sure that this is the venue to share these thoughts, but it's the only one I've got at the moment that has any type of reach....so as a female dedicated to the betterment of young women everywhere...I'm just gonna shoot.
For the last 14 years, I have allowed my mind to be overly consumed and obsessed with my body...to the diameter of my thighs and the swell of my cheeks...to the calories consumed and the men who never stared. To the mother that pushed for something else and the society that didn't shame her for it.
I'm sure some of you are rolling your eyes right about now and thinking, “ugh, how annoying...another female rant on the troubles of weight and the society that propels it.”
Well, you're right. It is annoying.
Annoying as hell.
Annoying that when I was 11 years old I went for 6 days eating only fruit and water, while my peers gossiped about training bras and french kisses. Annoying that I never once appreciated my own body unless it was being touched by a man who never thought twice about honoring it. Annoying that I made myself sick in secrecy for years while maintaining an aura of leadership, academic excellence and poise. Annoying that I asked my 7 year old sister if she thought I was fat while discrediting her own insecurities and complexities.
Annoying that I've forced everyone important in my life to unwillingly go through the pain with me.
It is a horrific reality that way too many women are faced with today. One that revolves around a body, an image, a lifestyle that is unattainable to even the most starved and dedicated of females.
This is not about being thin, or being pretty, this is about dedicating years, perhaps decades, of your life to wanting to be something else on the exterior while your soul just screams for a voice of it's own. This is about a society that perpetuates an ideal that we are taught to believe is the ticket to contentment and happiness. And it's so tragically wrong.
For over 15 months I have been on a journey far more exciting and terrifying than any backpacking trip or cliffjump in the world. It has been a journey that will...once and for all...despite what images, comments or self imposed judgements may be against me...lead me to freedom.
I post this not for your empathy, grieve or apologies but rather to let you know that this, this enthusiasm and belief, is the most genuine feeling I have ever had...to know that I am so close to authentically loving myself that I can't help but share it with the world.
No one deserves to let a voice, a mirror or an image stop them from loving themselves when life on the other side of the fence is oh so lovely.
Come join me...there is plenty of room for more.
body image
Feminism
Self Esteem
Personal Growth
posted by Amy at 10:03 PM
14 Comments:
This brought tears to my eyes, Amy.
I'm gonna link to this post on my blog because every woman needs to read it.
Thanks for having the courage to get serious for a bit and be so honest with us.
9:41 AM
and she's getting closer to surviving... you MUST love yourself first. And there's nothing selfish about that. there's a difference between being healthy and being thin, and as long as beauty rules the media, this message will be lost. Bravo Amy!
11:20 AM
You are so brave to post this Amy.
I appreciate your honesty.
11:23 AM
This was an amazing post, Amy. I'm so glad you decided to share it with us. Sometimes the words you're not sure are appropriate for your blog are the ones someone else most needs to read. I'm sorry you went through this and glad you came out on top.
11:24 AM
Amy - You really have come a long way, baby! I've never seen you looking as healthy and beautiful as you do now, and that comes from within .
11:55 AM
I don't think it matters what a girl's body composition is like. I'm obsessed with my body too. I feel self-conscious about my thighs and tummy, and i'm 5'4" 110lbs. So. There's definitely something wrong.
6:22 PM
Thank you for not making me feel sheepish about posting this...it just felt right.
Thanks Amanda for being my cheerleader.
And Vanessa....I know! Com from you, some one with the measurements anyone would envy, makes me realize all the more how widespread this is.
7:21 PM
I love you Amz, and am so proud of you. XO.
8:18 PM
Amy,
I never knew how much you struggled with your weight when we were growing up. Which is funny because I always remember thinking how beautiful you were in high school! You were very brave to post this and share it with the world. Kudos.
8:00 AM
You are an inspiration. Your bravery in writing and in life is magnetic. Loving yourself is the most important thing in life.
10:38 PM
I just saw your comment on my blog--my brother has been in Mexico for Spring Break this week as well. It's different with guys, but I still worry.
5:47 PM
Wow! This is post is truly amazing. Here's to loving yourself.
9:32 PM
amy, thank you for being honest and sharing your thoughts. every woman deals with these issues in one form or another (or many!) and in differing degrees. reading stories like yours makes me feel closer to other women's struggles and keeps it real. bravo.
3:44 PM
Wow, I'm so glad I stumbled across this....thank you, Amy!!
I think that stereotype of the skinny, gorgeous, fabulous creature is also hammered hard into certain performance industries too....fashion and dancing come to mind.
As a previous male model, I totally relate with being obsessive about measurements, what I'm consuming, and how I mentally freak out when I face the mirror with my shirt off and tell it I'm sorry that it has to face me.
Here's to your journey towards finding and loving yourself.
1:06 PM
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